Struggle with writing too-long emails?
An issue I often come across when I’m reviewing emails that clients have written is the tendency to say too much. It’s something I struggle with at times and is totally normal when you’re excited about the topic at hand and are eager for an email to be successful.
The problem is that the person reading the email might not be as gung-ho as you, and a few chunky paragraphs in an email are overwhelming.
So how do you take a loooong email and make it bite-size, without sacrificing impact?
First, decide what the point of the email is. As an example, let’s imagine you’re sending an email to entice people to become beta testers for your app, and you just want them to reply so that you can get them set up.
Now that you know what you want someone to do, you need to pick ONE sentence that gives them a good enough reason to do it. But, Stephanie, how do I take everything wonderful about my app and turn it into only one sentence?
You could:
- Look for common themes — do you mention one category of benefit over and over?
- Look for connections between points — are different benefits really under the same umbrella?
- Look for the most compelling argument — if your explanations are all over the place, pick the most interesting one.
Don’t worry, you won’t be sending a one-sentence email. After you have a super clear benefit statement, you can add some details around it. To start, say what you need to say about who you are, but then get to the point about them as fast as possible.
I know you and your company are wonderful and qualified, but you’re sending an email, not a resume. Just like with the benefit statement, pick the most convincing fact about yourself. You’ll also dedicate a few lines to set up the context for the email, which in our example is a beta tester email.
Want to see this slimming down in action? Let’s review a beta test email one of my clients had been sending, versus our new edited version. I won’t put the entire emails here (this message would be way too long), but I’ll give a summary.
BEFORE
The personal introduction included:
- The company he used to work for
- The type of work he’s done for the past 25 years
- Details about how his experience with the pain points of the old way of doing things
- How he came up with the idea for the app
- How he believes the app will help people
Information about the app included:
- Description of elements
- Pain points solved
- Steps you can take in the app/features
- How and when you can use the app
The ask included:
- The fact that the app is in beta
- What that means
- Next steps
AFTER
- Name and role
- A high-level description of the app
- Mention 25 years or experience
- Three benefits of the app
- CTA with benefit
- The fact that the app is in beta
- The advantage of joining in beta
- Next steps
Just to be clear, I’m not pointing out the client’s version to bash him. He’s one of the nicest people I’ve met, and I struggle with wordiness, too. Instead, I hope it’s helpful to see how you can maintain the impact of your message while still whittling it down into a manageable size.
Want to see more examples of SaaS email copy? Check out 10 examples here.
Need help editing your emails? Send me a message at hellostephknapp@gmail.com.
Until next time,
Steph
